Are you limping?
- Esther Berlanga
- Nov 17, 2017
- 3 min read
Genesis 32:24-31
24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.
It occurred to me the other day that when it comes to this Humanity - me, you, our neighbors - we are all limping, like Jacob did. We are all trying to hold on, asking - demanding! - our blessing, trying to force God to look at us in the eyes and acknowledge that we are seeking him - to know us, to love us, to see us - and that we need him in our lives, we need his blessing to keep on living in this harsh world we are guilty of perpetuating. We are limping but do not even know we are limping. We are limping because we have in fact been wrestling already, and left with a mark that says "God was here". We often fail to recognize our inherited limp. We were all touched by God. But are you blessed, or are you merely marked by the Holy Spirit?
Can you imagine Jacob, grandson of Abraham - the Father of Many Nations - wrestling with God? There is dust, there is struggle, there is determination. And in the end, he not only was injured and consequently left with a limp for the rest of his life - but he also limped away with that blessing in his pocket. I wonder how many of us feel like we got injured in battle, but never got to experience the blessing. And I can't help but realizing that perhaps that feels that way to many because the blessing you may be expecting depends on someone else's misery. Some people confuse God with a blind and deaf court judge, and get lost in bitterness and resentment, waiting for their revenge to materialize. Then and only then will they feel blessed. If you know enough about and of God, you know that He doesn't operate that way. Your blessing will only involve you in the battle - not your husband, or your wife, or your children, or your children's children. He may use others to bless you, but will He do it over someone else's pain at your request? Do you really want that blessing? Are you asking for a blessing, or are you asking for revenge?
This is about you and God. Do you want your blessing? You need to wrestle with God. You leave your motives behind. You leave your anger behind. You leave your fear behind. You leave your whole life behind. And you don't stop until He looks at you in the eyes.
So ask yourself, what have you been waiting for? Does your walk have a little rhythm to it? Do you know where your blessing rests? Are you waiting on someone else's fall to feel blessed? Better yet, is the blessing you expect someone else's curse?
Ultimately it is all tied up to the heart. God knows your heart. You may hide its truth from others, and even from yourself - but God doesn't even need permission from you to read your very heart. Your blessing is not a ransom for someone else's happiness. Like David wrote on Psalm 37:3, "Trust in the LORD and do good. Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture". He didn't say "think you do good", or "tell others you do good". The command coming from the King who was after God's own heart said to "do good".
Wrestle with God with a clean heart, and see how He doesn't allow you to walk away limping, but without your blessing.
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